Caught a midnight showing of The Book of Eli a few nights ago, and now that I've had the opportunity to sober up and digest I suggest everyone do the same. Watch the movie that is, and if possible avoid spending the preceding hours slamming fists on Formica sushi tables and screaming "Saaaakkke BOMB!"

Your fellow theater patrons will thank me.

I don't feel comfortable critiquing the cinematography, the actors or the script so I'll focus on what I do know: teeth. I (like many) see a variety of mammalian mandibles on a daily basis, and losing myself amongst a dirty drama unfolding in the filthy streets of a post-apocalyptic fringe town is difficult when every character boasts a set of pearly whites thirty years after the last tube of Colgate was filled.

The discovery of a travel-sized bottle of hotel shampoo in a hellish wasteland is cause for celebration, a potent bit of atmosphere ("this might be the last shampoo on Earth," crows one character) instantly dispelled by the beautiful bronze skin and decadently disheveled 'do of Mila Kunis. All of the supporting characters have their attractive mugs marred with blackened teeth and tangled manes; why are directors so reluctant to treat their leads with the same kind of maturity and respect?