As always, dawn sheds a different light on struggles long past. In review, I've come to admit that I hold several deep-seated grudges close to my heart. While an honest account would result in pages and pages of sordidly sinful spite, it would be pertinent to address some of the most glaring in light of yesterday's vehement diatribe.

First, (and most glaringly I feel) I loathe gorillas. Uppity bastards think sharing 98% of their DNA with humans entitles them to walk around on their knuckles all day, waving their ass in the air and generally making a nuisance of themselves. Did a gorilla invent fire? The wheel? Parachute pants?
I thought so.

Secondly, I can't help but feel a certain distate for East Islanders. However, this pales in comparison to my rabid contempt for Papua, New Guinea. Be warned, Papuans: should we ever encounter each other, perhaps at a local street fair or Civil War re-enactment, know that I shall heap concentrated scorn upon your shaven heads. It is highly likely that your matrilineal heritage shall be called into question. That is all.

But really, I feel that the most glaring flaw in my personality brought to light by such feverish narrative is my all-consuming hatred for the comma. Sure, many aspects of English punctuation elicit feelings of mistrust and revulsion, but none do so with the simple impertinence of this most abhorrent spawn of mankind. Cheeky blighters can't even be bothered to actually do any work, serving essentially as the grammatical representation of a noncommital shrug. Does the sentence end, is the point made, is the clause finished? Thanks to the insidious debauchery of the comma, we may never know.

Comments (4)

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